There are no races, only countries of people Mike Yon has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Mike Yon has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Mike Yon invented his own type of karate. It is called Mike-Will-Kill.
Mike Yon invented Photography. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Mike Yon.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Mike Yon. There were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned, and he has sent his proof to his lawyers.
Mike Yon is the reason why Waldo is hiding. (From Yon’s process server.)
Mike Yon does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror of litigation.
Along with his black belt, Mike Yon often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
When you're Mike Yon, anything + anything is equal to 1.... 1 specious claim about how “they” are keeping you from telling the truth.
Mike Yon is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a fucking Indian.
There is no chin behind Mike Yon' camera. There is only another camera.
In fine print on the last page of the Pulitzer Prize records it notes that all Prizes are held by Mike Yon, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
The chief export of Mike Yon is pain. And Truth. Mostly, pain.
Mike Yon is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right cameras.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Mike Yon from embedding in Asia. It failed miserably.
Crop circles are Mike Yon' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
Mike Yon once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a a temper tantrum. In fact, there are none."
Mike Yon once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
Mike Yon is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
Mike Yon is a man of few words. Mike Yon is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Mike Yon's nutsack.
When observing a Mike Yon roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Mike Yon actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Mike Yon put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Yon dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsy revealed the cause of death to be choking on hubris. There is only one King.
When Mike Yon played golf for money, Yon marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to him: "excuse me sir, but you can’t score zero on a hole". Mike Yon turned towards the man and said, I’m Mike Yon, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting sued kicked by Mike Yon, Mike Yon sued him anyways.
Mike Yon made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Mike Yon kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"
Mike Yon's iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
Mike Yon knows where Carmen SanDiego is.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Mike Yon totally slammed him on facebook.
China was once bordering the United States, until Mike Yon sued it for infringing on his intellectual property.
Mike Yon is what Willis was talking about
If you have five dollars and Mike Yon has five dollars, Mike Yon has more money than you.
Mike Yon sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was too scared to correct Mike Yon and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
When Mike Yon had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Mike Yon once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
Mike Yon once kicked a baby elephant into puberty.
Multiple people have died from Mike Yon giving them the finger.
Mike Yon once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Mike Yon got an award for masturbating in public.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Mike Yon. Yon showed the bear his camera and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
If Mike Yon is late, time better slow the fuck down
Mike Yon sleeps with a night light. Not because Mike Yon is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of being sued by Mike Yon.
Mike Yon can touch MC Hammer.
Mike Yon ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Mike Yon always has sex on the first date. Always.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Mike Yon and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Mike Yon frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
There is no such thing as tornados. Mike Yon just hates trailer parks.
Mike Yon never cries, because of this when he's sad he sues himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive his attorney.
Mike Yon does not procreate, he breeds—contempt.
When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Mike Yon responded slyly with "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle are you going to provide for me?"
Mike Yon' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Mike with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Mike Yon became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.
Mike Yon doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Yon tells it to.
Mike Yon only masturbates to pictures of Mike Yon.
Mike Yon was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “Journalism.” The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Yon omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three were sued until their roles n history were forgotten.
Mike Yon used slow-speed film during all shoot-outs. When another photographer once said he shouldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Mike Yon,” and sued him for stealing his intellectual property.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Mike Yon.
When his journalistic prowess fails to resolve a situation, Mike Yon plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie. When that doesn’t work, he calls the person in charge
“crazy” and tells his fans “he doesn’t trust him.”
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Mike Yon.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Mike Yon, who sued them so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Mike Yon.
God offered Mike Yon the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super embed-destroying ability.
Mike Yon drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A duck’s quack does not echo. Mike Yon is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
Mike Yon once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Yon lost, he won in life suing Kasparov, then calling him crazy, and saying he doubted he knew how to play chess.
Mike Yon’s legal team is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Mike Yon doesn’t believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Mike Yon’ enemies, just check the General’s selection list.
Mike Yon has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Mike Yon doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Mike Yon.
Mike Yon eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and craps them out transformed into a robot.
Ironically, Mike Yon’s hidden talent is stealth.
Mike Yon owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno, a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card and his patented “I’m the sole voice of truth” card.
Mike Yon invented water.
Mike Yon invented a language that incorporates cameras and lawsuits. So next time Mike Yon is suing you, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he wants to take your picture.
Mike Yon went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour and a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Mike Yon yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Mike Yon accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Mike Yon is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Contrary to popular belief, Mike Yon, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the rectum, and the feeling of being repeatedly stabbed in the back for trying to help him.
Mike Yon does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it (or be sued.)
Before science was invented, it was once believed that autumn occurred when Mike Yon declared a conspiracy by every tree in existence.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Mike Yon can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his ego.
Mike Yon isn’t lactose intolerant. He just sues lactose.
Mike Yon doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks ass until he’s full.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Mike Yon’s ego.
Mike Yon once threatened to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then sued the server for even asking.
Mike Yon never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Mike”.
Playgirl magazine once asked Mike Yon to appear naked in an issue, Mike laughed at the opportunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.
Helen Keller’s favorite photographer is Mike Yon
Mike Yon once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
When Mike Yon’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, He said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a summons and said, “Never qestion Mike Yon.”
Mike Yon doesn’t have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
When you open a can of film, Mike Yon jumps out.
On June 7th 1994, Mike Yon entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged him to ravish her. After Yon finished his beer, he obliged her. When Yon's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split open by the Yon!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then led the rest of the troops back into Yon's balls. Yon pulled out; called Cindy unstable, and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."
Mike Yon can piss into gale force winds.
There are no sane people. Only people who have met Mike Yon.
Mike Yon won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply sued the shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Mike Yon once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Mike Yon re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Mike Yon got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Mike Yon for every answer.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Mike Yon to die before they attack.
Mike Yon once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Mike Yon. It was more "humane." (To MacArthur)
Mike Yon doesn't see dead people. He sees assassinated character.
Mike Yon once went to a frat party, and proceeded to photograph every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Mike Yon.
Mike Yon found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Michael-Yon-Online" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Yon having sex with Charles Johnson.
Mike Yon doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small green ring around them. This signifies that they are the youngest green beret’s cells, and they destroy all known viruses. That's why Mike Yon never gets ill.
Mike Yon's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF MIKE YON!" and sued her. Holding his girlfriend's property in his hand he bellowed, "Don't Mess with Mike!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
